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Mom’s home! Growing up, this was
a familiar phrase in our house. It meant that we were going to be able to get that question answered. That question we
had been waiting to ask all day.
Usually the question came
from a conversation we had at school or one we overheard. No matter how the question came, mom was the one with the answer.
As I got older, I noticed that my friends started asking my
mom questions and calling her mom as well. Many of them still do.
I’m lucky that I could always go to mom with anything and everything. Everyone should have that. So Gay Tucson found a mom to answer your questions.
Ask her anything and she’ll give you her best answer. We’ll post your questions and her answers,
here, at Ask Mom.
Have fun and be nice to mom. Your information will remain anonymous of course.
Always here to help,
Tony Ray 
Submit your questions by using the form below.
Q. Dear Mom, Could you please ask your son a question for me? What role does a buyers agent serve
during the transaction? Chip
A. Dear Chip, You don't need Mom for
that. You can ask him yourself. He won't bite and if he does he will be grounded for at least a week. That
being said, here is what he sent me. A buyers representative ( or buyers rep) is a licensed real estate professional who represents prospective
home buyers in their property transaction. If you've formalized an agency relationship, typically by signing a buyer's
rep agreement with a buyer's rep, you can expect him or her to: - Understand
your specific needs and wants, and locate appropriate properties.
- Assist you in determining how much you can afford (pre-qualify your mortgage).
- Preview and/or accompany you in viewing properties.
- Adivse you in formulating your offer.
- Help you
develop your negotiation strategy.
- Provide a list of potential
qualified vendors (such as inspectors, attorneys, lenders, etc.) for other related services that may be needed.
- Keep track of all details throughout the entire transaction - to closing and
beyond.
In
other words, a buyer's rep should make your home buying experience go as smoothly and successfully as possible. But not all buyer's reps
are equal. A buyer's rep who has earned the Accredited Buyers Representative (ABR) Realtor designation has made an extra
effort to raise the bar, with additional training and experience in serving you, the home buyer. If you work with an
ABR, you can feel more confident that you'll receive the highest level of buyer-representation services. Hope we have answered
you question, feel free to contact
Tony Ray at (520) 631-TONY (8669) if you have more questions. Hugs, Mom
Q. I am a new yorker, looking to relocate in Tucson. Will I be disappointed about
being gay in Tucson? And please dont think n.y. is not all gay friendly.
A. Dear Donna,
I don't think you will be disappointed, at all, as Tucson is a great place to live.
And....... it is very gay friendly.
Good luck on your move.
Hugs
Mom
Q. dear mom,
i
am new to tucson, recently moved here 2 months ago. my partner will be joining me when we sell the house back in cincinnati.
where is a good lesbian bar to go to to meet new friends and relax?
A. Good morning K,
Welcome to Tucson! I hope you are getting accumulated to your new home. I think you would
like "Howl at the Moon" (Country Bar), "Ain't nobody's Biz" (dance bar) and dinners at "Colors"
and, also, Friday night drag shows at "Colors".
Enjoy and have fun.
Hugs,
Mom
Q. Dear Mom,
I
am a freshman at the U of A and I am a closet lesbian. I am looking for a way
to meet other women around my age (18). Where can I go to do this?
A. Dear
U of A Freshman,
I hope your Freshman year is starting out well.
Now to answer your questions.
I doubt that you will be able to get in to any bars
since you are only 18. I realize that it is hard for you, as you just want to meet people and dance.
You might want to contact Wingspan, as they have numerous programs, etc. and I;m sure they could head you in the right direction.
I wish you well and do good
in school.
Good luck and hugs,
Mom
Q. Dear Ask Mom,
Looking to move to Tucson, is there better areas than others
to purchase a home? Would like some space not far from town and other gay men. I would appreciate information,
thank you.
Lou M.
A.
Dear Lou,
I hope that you decide to make Tucson your home.
I think you will find that it is a great place to live.
As far as one place to live, over another, for gays,
I don't think there is one. This question is one that is asked frequently. As Tucson is very gay friendly, I think
you would be happy where ever you decide to live. If you go back to the "Gay Tucson" site and talk with
Tony Ray, I'm sure he could help you, as well. He has been a real estate agent, here, for many years and is very knowledgeable.
Also, if you are in Tucson, in Oct. the Gay Pride is held Oct. 9th and 10th. There will be a parade on the 9th with
Pride, at Reid Park, on the 10th.
We
have a large, gay community, here, and I think you would be able to meet a lot of people and get your questions asked, if
you are able to make it. You can go back to the Gay Tucson site for that at well. All the information is there.
Good luck, Lou, and I hope you decide to make Tucson your home.
Hugs,
Mom
Dear Will, I'm sorry you are having such a touch time.
I know how hard it is to be alone for the holidays. I, too, spent the holidays alone when I was your age. It
is very lonely. One year I ws lucky enough to have a friend take me home with his family for Christmas. It was
so nice. Do you have a friend, at school, who you could go home with for Thanksgiving and maybe Christmas.
If not, to get out and not be alone, and something that would make you feel good, would be to volunteer
to help feed the underprivileged at the "Salvation Army" or "Gospel Rescue Mission", etc. There
is always a need for help. I would, also, call " SAAF" (Southern Az. Aids Foundation) and "Wingspan"
as they always have something going on and through them you could meet people, as well The phone numbers are listed,here,
on the "Gay Tucson" website. As for having someone to talk to, I would be happy to
talk to you. If you want to do it on line, I am MOM to may ; straight, gay and lesbian. When they have problems,
I am the one they get in touch with. I don't have the absolute answers for everyone but, if you
wish to contact me again, I would be happy to hear from you. I hope you work it all out and
that your holidays are as happy, as they can be, away from home. Hugs Mom
Q. Hi, My partner and I are coming to Tucson to "check it out".
We
are both early 50's and looking for an area where we can rent either a hotel or vacation rental and walk to things; like grocery
stores, coffee shops, restaurants and bars. What area would you suggest?
It does not have to be the "gayborhood"
specifically, although that would be even better but just so it is a tolerant area of open minded folks. We are not interested
in the suburban feel, we like more the urban type neighborhood. What areas of the city would you suggest?
A. Hi Jerry, I hope you enjoy your visit and I think
my answer will be too late. I am sorry. I just received it today. I'm hoping you read your Email while you are
here. There is an adorable, little, motel court, on Oracle, near Drachman, call La Siesta.
It is owned and run by a gay couple. I know you will love it. It is very nice and they are great guys.
If you can't do it this time, go check it out, while you are here and I'm sure they will have all kinds of information
to provide, as well as places to go and see. Best of luck and Merry Christmas
Hugs Mom
Q. Dear Mom,
I'm a freshman at the u of a, out of state and I know nobody.
I'm gay, or bi. I'm not exactly sure all I know is that I like people of the same sex.
I want to meet more people
of the GBLT community, for friends and it would help. Being a closet gay takes its toll on you. Is there any activities that
I can go to.
I'm
18, and the gay bars/clubs, I know I'm not old enough to drink and I don't anyway, but could I come in and dance and socialize?
Or do I have to be 21. I'm just trying to get out more, meet more people. Any suggestions?
Dear Freshman, I hope you are enjoying
your new home and school. Keep those grades up! LOL Well, this is a little hard,
since you are under age. I would suggest you contact "Wingspan", and I'm sure they can head you in the right
direction. I'm sure you will meet some friends at school, as well. Good luck and hang
in there. It may take a little time but I am sure you will make many new friends. Hugs,
Mom
Letter
Below Just Published September 2009 Q. Dear Mom,
I'm 16 and I think that I'm gay but i really don't know. I'm physically attracted
to men but emotionally attracted and attached to women. I'm also some what physically attracted to women.
My mom is very liberal about this sort of thing, and asks me q's about
my love life all the time. But in the way teens rebel, I am very conservative, and hate talking about anything.
I have two gay cousins, my family is very close and my cousins
are like my siblings, and my family is completely fine with them. But I have a gut feeling that my dad don't accept me, being
his only son, and the last one in my family that can carry on the family name, my dad's weird when it comes to that.
Also I really don't know how my friends will react. My best
friend is really homophobic, and even though we have been friends for our entire lives, i know for a a fact that he won't
stay friends with me.
And then there is church. I just went on a church trip to Ohio, and somehow being gay came
up. Half said that! gays are condemned for being gay, and the other half said that they were born gay. But all agreed
that being gay was bad. I'm very religious and I know I wouldn't be accepted at church.
Just to sum things up,
I don't think I am gay gay i think i just enjoy the male body. But i still think that will be enough to lose some of the most
important things in my life. I know this wasn't a question, but it was just nice to talk and think things out.
Thanks
for the opportunity to discuss this
James A. Dear James Thank you for such an open
and honest letter. You have a lot on your plate and I will give you my thoughts on what you have told me.
First,
let this play itself out. You are not sure you are gay, but if you are you have just listed many reasons for you not
to accept that fact that you are and go through life unhappy. I
f you are gay, you are gay, and there is
nothing you can do about this. If people cannot accept you for who you are then they are not your friends. I think,
if you are gay, and finally come out to them, they will accept you because they have known you for so long and know you are
not that different from others.
The word gay scares a lot of people because they do not understand exactly what
gay means. ( I don't even know where that word comes from. When I was a kid, it meant happy.) It would be up to you
to educate them.
There are so many gays, who go through life, coming out to some and not to others, and
those who do not know they are gay will never know because most do not act different. Oh, maybe one is a little more
feminine or something like that but you know what I am trying to say.
There is a saying, that I use in my
life and community work, and it is so true, in so many areas of life. (People fear what they least understand)
I don't think you should be in a hurry. Just take your time and get to know yourself. Maybe one day, when you
are with your friend, you could feel him out a little, if the subject comes up, and ask him " what would you do
if I was gay"? then take it from there and play it off as a way to get into a discussion and educate him.
As far as church goes, there are many churches that are gay friendly, if it comes to that. Anyway, who there would
know , if you were, if you did not tell them. And, James, God does not discriminate. He loves us all.
People talk and say things that are not true all the time, so you could just brush it off if something was said. Unfortunately,
James, this is how gay people have to live and how you deal with it is up to you. You have to decide if you want to
be happy and good with yourself and go from there.
However, I would not jump the gun, as I said.
You are not even sure yet and you are at a confusing time in your life, anyway, so just go with the flow and see what happens.
If you find you are gay, and you will know, at some point, I don't think your Dad would disown you. Sure, it would be
a shock to his ego but I think he would come around. Personally,
James, I love people and I don't care what color, etc., as long as they are good people.
I hope I have helped,
James, and feel free to talk to me again, if you wish. I will be happy to hear from you. You have no idea how many different
stories I have heard, over the years,
Most make me want
to cry but many who talk to me, just want someone who understands to talk to and share with.
Good luck and keep me
posted.
Hugs,
Mom
Q. Dear Mom,
Im 16 years
old and gay, but noone knows and im having such a frustrating time right now, seeing as im constantly presented with homophobic
remarks from my "friends", and im too scared to let
anyone know. Im soooo afraid of how people will take the news and if i'll ever be excepted.
For instanse, i go
to a catholic highschool who is very anti gay, and well i could go on and on but im just really confused and depressed. I
don't want to rush into coming out in highschool necessarilly, but i want so badly to be myself and stop lying. I want to
be able to see a cute gay guy and be able to go over and talk to him without being judged! Help me!
A. Hi, I'm am so sorry you are having to go through such inner turmoil.
You must feel so alone. Does your family know??? I know you are scared, as are so many with the dilema of "coming
out." It is easy for an outsider to tell you what to do but you must be yourself.
Maybe you could
do it this way. When you are with your friends (are they?) , and they are gay bashing, ask them what they would say
if you told them you were gay and go from there. If they accept you, you know who your real friends are. If you get bad
vibes, from them, and don't want to go through with it, you could tell them you just wanted to see what they say, since they
are always making these remarks.
If you haven't told your parents, I would do that as soon as the opportunity
presents itself. Otherwise, this is going to eat you up. My son got picked on, in school, and it was hard for
him. But, his father and I knew he was gay and accepted him. His brother and sister knew, as well, and we were all
supportive, so that helped.
In fact, the gay kids in school used talk to and hang around his brother,
because they knew he was gay friendly. Do you know anyone who would accept you that you could talk to?? I know
this is tough, but hang in there.
I have a old saying, that says it all "PEOPLE FEAR
WHAT THEY LEAST UNDERSTAND". Now that your friends know you and that you are a great guy, it might not
be as hard. If they have parents, who are anti gay, and are picking up on their opinions, they might be scared to have
a gay friend and have their parents find out, even tho they don't have a problem with it. Good
luck and keep your chin up. This too shall pass. If you want to write me again, feel free.
Lots of hugs, Mom Ps. There is a great organizion here in Tucson called Winspan.
They have a youth group called EON youth. You can call them at (520)
620-6245 or check out their website at GayTucsonYouth.com
Q. Dear Mom,
I'm a 28 year old bisexual woman with a 6 year old daughter. I have two questions
here.
First of all, I tend to gravitate more toward women than men. However, were I to enter into
a relationship with a woman, I'm not certain how I would explain this to my daughter. I've told her on a few occasions
that some women love other women and marry them and that some men love other men and marry them and that it's ok that way.
I'm considering getting out into the gay community more, but my worry is my own mother and stepfather.
See, my mom has "head in the sand" syndrome when it comes to my bisexuality and my stepdad said I can't
ever settle down with a woman because my mother couldn't handle it.
What can I say to my mother to make it so
she CAN handle it, because I'm not prepared to sell myself out in order to make her happy, but neither do I want to be responsible
for my mother's untimely death due to the live kittens she will surely give birth to.
Thanks,
Lily
A. Well, Lily,
What
a dilemma. From what you have said, it seems your stepfather is more open to your lifestyle than your mom. If
that is true, would he help you with this.???
You, also, didn't mention if you have ever tried to talk to her
about this in length. I remember when I found out my son way gay (and I knew in my heart before we discussed it) the
first thing I thought was that it was my fault. I must have done something awful in life for God to punish my son.
Mothers do that you know. Blame themselves.
I did not have as much problem with the fact that he was gay
but knew what he would have to go through in life, because he was already experiencing some of it in high school and no one
really knew, but because he was different, he was being picked on.
Every Mother wants to protect their child,
and you know that since you have a child. I knew I could not protect him from what he would experience in life.
I did not want him to be hurt. However, we let him go his own way and learn about life, on his own - hard as it was.
And he has had some hard knocks along the way, but his Dad and I and his siblings have always been here to support him.
Take your Mother to lunch and just talk to her. Tell her it has nothing to do with her, your upbringing
or anything else. It is just the way you are. I'm sure she is afraid of what others will think, if they find out.
Today, it is much better than 30 years ago.
You need to be happy, Lily. So you have to decide what
you need to do to achieve that happiness. I think your daughter will be accepting, most kids are. However, if
you can not get your mother to "get her head out of the sand" you must go on with your life and have whatever kind
of relationship with your mother you can. You did not say that she has given you any ultimatums so that is a start.
I have a friend, who recently passed away, who was a lesbian, in high school. Only we did not know what
that was, back then. As I got older I realized she was gay. She lived with the same woman, all her life.
She never told but others knew. I was the only one from our high school class that she kept in touch with, because she
knew I accepted her the way she was and when she passed away, her partner called and told me, even tho I had never met her
partner.
I was very sad that she had never come out. She did move from our small "Peyton Place"
town into a big city, away from her family and friends because she knew what it would be like to stay there. So,
she had more freedom but she never felt accepted. I'm so glad she was my friend. She was a wonderful person.
Nearly every family has some who is gay and it is so much more accepted now. We love our son's partner and all
his friends. They are in and out of here all the time and I have gay and lesbian "adopted" children all over
the states, actually country, and they all call me Mom. I am so happy we have been there for them, as some of them have
actually been disowned by their families. It breaks my heart.
All we have is our family.
I'm sorry to go on and on but you have to live your life and I would bet that Mom comes around sooner or later.
Keep me posted and good luck.
Hugs,
Mom
Q.I
am new to Tucson and was wondering if there is a gay motorcycle club or a group of motorcyclist in the tucson area.
Thanks, Biker Chick
A. Dear Biker
Chick,
If you go to www.Wingspan.com
I'm sure you can find the answer to your question. While reading one of their newsletters, I saw a mention of
that, so if you check with them I'm sure you will get the information you need.
Good
luck
Hugs
Mom
Q. I am a Hispanic single lesbian from the NE looking to start anew in Tucson. I'm currently
seeking employment while still on the east coast and have no idea where would be the best place to rent an affordable apartment.
Would you have any suggestions?
A. Hi Cynthia,
Well,
lets see. That is a very broad question. Do you want to live close to your work?? If you do, we need to address
this when you find a job. There are many nice areas of the city and so many rentals available. I'm sure you have
been here to look at things, so if you have, did you see one area you liked better than another. There are so many things
to take into consideration and you did not give me much to go on. You may have found a job since you wrote this
letter so if you have, I would suggest that you talk to Tony Ray, on this web site. Since he has been in real
estate, for many years, he knows this city and surrounding areas well. Sorry I can't be of more help.
Good luck on your move. I'm sure you will love Tucson.
Hugs,
Mom
Q.
Dear Mom, I have been coming out to my mom for
the past year. I recently have found an amazing girlfriend. My mom wants nothing to do with her.
The other
night my mom was talking about me to my little sister and her friend (My little sister is 17). She said "Michelle
is disgusting. She's a disgace to the family. She is gross and I am never going to meet her girlfriend because she's
probably a bull dyke" She said more. I can't handle it.
My girlfriend feels really bad. I can hardly
ever see her because my mom is so against us. Please help. my mom refuses to read any books, talk to anyone. Thank you,
Michelle A.
Dear Michelle,
I am so sorry that you are having so many problems. I have been asked this type of question,
several times. Be sure and check the "Ask Mom" mail and you will see that you are not the only one dealing with
this situation.
Have you been able to talk with your Mom, privately, at all?? You might want to just ask
her why she is so against your relationship and the fact that you are a Lesbian? So many parents are afraid of what
everyone will think or that it is their fault in some way.
Has she met your friend/partner ?? If so,did your Mother
form an opinion before she met her?? I think this is something you are just going to have to work on. Even though it
is uncomfortable, for you both, you will need to keep bringing her to the house and let your mother get to know her and see
what a good person she is. Do not show any feelings for each other, while there, and just let nature take it's course.
I think she will come around.
Tell her you are the same person she has always known, Being a Lesbian
has nothing to do with that. I would hate to see you and your mother, at odds, over this. This may not be the answer
you were looking for but I hope it helps.
As the mother, of a gay son, I can tell you that he is accepted
by our entire family and our friends. He is a fine man and we are very close and we accept his partner and love him
as well. We accept them for who they are. I could not think of him not being a part of our lives I hope that you
will have that kind of relationship, with your family, in the near future. Good luck and best wishes.
Hugs,
Mom
Q. I am a gay female living with my partner of 14.5 years. My mom is getting up in years and will soon come to live with us. Can you share some advice as to how I can make life pleasant for all of us? Bean
A. Hi Bean,
Congratulations on your years together. I am assuming, from reading your letter, that your
mother is aware of your sexual orientation, sooooo, going with that I would say do not change anything about yourselves, other
than maybe not so much of the romantic stuff in front of her, if that makes her uncomfortable.
Of course, what
you have to do about the house to accommodate her living there, is another thing. You did not give me very much information
in that area. Will she have her own room??? If she will, make sure she knows that she is welcome to use
the kitchen, eat with you, watch TV with you, or however you want to set it up.
I think the communication between
you two will be key and definitely how you say things to her. It will be hard for her to give up her home and her freedom,
so to speak, so you must make the transition as easy as possible. You must tune into her feelings and give her time
to adjust..
Getting old is hard for some people because they cannot do so many things that they did every day.
Does she still drive or must she rely on you??? That's another thing. If she is able, you might encourage
her to get involved in some senior activities, in your area. If you work, she will need something, other than sitting
and watching TV and thinking about things.
Just be patient, tho. It will take time for all things
to come together. And, I might say, I applaud you for wanting your mother to come with you. She is lucky.
So many seniors are stuck in nursing homes and forgotten by family.
I
hope this has helped. If you wish to contact me, again, please feel free to do so. Good luck to you and your partner. Also, your partner is a gem to be willing
to help you with this.
Hugs,
Mom
Q. I am from Sierra Vista,
I am out, gay proud and loud. I also am discriminated against a lot, I am a teacher, and I do not bring it up in class but
everybody knows. It is a closeted community. The city does not offer domestic partnership benefits. There is a very closeted
gay presence in town. Lots of active duty and retired military men and women. There is a Cochise County Lesbian and
Gay Alliance but its moving force is from Bisbee. The women of Sierra Vista avoid it and the men who come from Sierra Vista
use the meetings largely for connection shopping.
A. Hi
Mark,
Thank you so much for the information. It will be valuable to many of our readers. I'm sure you must
have read some of the previous letters, asking for this type of information, regarding Sierra Vista, and I have been unable
to provide it. I'm sorry people are so narrow minded and can't accept one another for who they are.
Good luck to
you and thanks again.
Hugs, Mom
Q. I am a gay deputy sheriff here in Arizona. I am looking for any information about how gay friendly the
city of Sierra Vista is. Do they have domestic partnership benefits? Also, if I am going to be seeking a job with
Sierra Vista is it a good idea to let them know I am gay before hand? I have not in the past and find it to be very
stressful being a gay officer in this state because of all the redneck backwoods cops here! A. Hi Sheriff B, Sorry this has taken so long but we are still on vacation
in Florida. Did not want you to wait any longer. Please understand that this is my opinion only but I tend to
feel that the smaller agencies would be harder to work for in that respect.
I have no particular information
on Sierra Vista, on anything. I'm sorry. A while back, another person requested info for there, as well.
I tried all my connections and could not give him any particulars.
Have you tried TPD or is there a reason
you would not want to work for them?? They have openly gay officers, men and women, on the Dept. and I spoke with a few of
them, who are my friends, and they have no problems.
I wish we could talk in person, as I have many friends,
in law enforcement, and we would be able to really get into it. However, since we can't, all I can say is I wish
you the very best and hope everything works out for you the way you want. I'm sorry I could not be of more help.
Thank you for protecting us all. You have one tough job. Stay safe
Hugs, Mom
Q. Hi Mom,
I'm a Transgender Woman. I was born male,but felt
female all my life. I'll be transitioning full time soon. I'm an adult,and over the years I haven't told my parents
about my secret. I'm really nervous and scared of telling my parents. Can you please give me any advice or tips
on telling my parents that I'm a female not a male. The last few days I been really emotional about this. Sometimes
I cry at night when I go to bed. Any help is deeply appreciated.
Thank You, LisaA. Dear
Lisa,
I can't imagine how hard it would be to keep your secret all these years. But, I'll bet your
mother has some idea. Mothers usually do. They either ignore it, so they don't have to deal with it, or deny
it, thinking, nah, it's not possible. Just my imagination.
If you read the letters, I have answered,
on this site, that refer to telling parents, you will see that it always the same. Be open and honest. If you feel it
easier to talk to your Mother then approach her first. You can always find a way to lead into it. Then, together or
alone, however you feel comfortable, tell your dad. But, you must tell them. Don't let them find out from someone
else, and they will. And it will hurt them worse. Cause it will hurt them.
Most parents feel guilty
- that it is there fault. What will people think, etc. It won't be easy and since you have been worrying about this
for a long time it will probably be worse for you, than them. My friend has a son, who was born female, and I watched
her grow into an adult, go to her Prom in a beautiful gown. I still have the picture.
But, she hated
dresses and was always in jeans, etc. We started getting an inkling, then, so when she finally told her Mom, it was
not as bad as she had feared. She lives her life as a male. He lives as a male and looks and talks like
a male, etc. but cannot afford the operations he needs, yet, and he is accepted by all who know. He is happy. You should
be happy.
Good luck, Lisa. If you want to write back, please do so. Chin up and a very,
Happy , New Year
Hugs,
Mom
Q. Hey,
I am a 20 year old transferring to the U of A and I am curious about the Gay scene for people my age. Do you know
if there is a good scene at the U of A? And what about at bars and clubs? is it just a bunch of older guys? Is there anywhere
I can dance and hang out until I turn 21?
Thanks For letting me know! Garrett
A. Dear Garrett,
We have not found anything at the U of A. However, I know SAAF and Wingspan have programs and socials for people
in your age group. If you go to the links page on the Gay Tucson site and check you will find the web sites for those
two groups and then contact them and they can give you all that information. You may also want to check the groups
page and the calendar. I'm sure they will be able to get what you need from them..
Good luck and happy turkey day. Hugs, Mom
Q. Hi. Where is a good location..bar..club..etc., where I could mingle with Transgender patrons, here in
Tucson?
Thank you, Nick.
A. Hi Nick,
I've really researched this and talked to many of my gay and transgendered friends and there does not seem to be a
particular bar for transgendered.
I did find out that SAAF has a transgendered group that meets there and
from that I'm sure you can get a lot of information. You can, also, call Saaf and talk to Waco Star @628-7223.
He will be happy to help you in any way.
Also, check the calendar on Friday, November the 21st. There is an event and you may want to go, possibly meet more transgendered people.
And one more thing I thought you might enjoy, news about the first transgendered United States Mayor.
Good luck in your quest.
Hugs,Mom
Q. My job has offered me a transfer to Tucson, and I'm curious where the gay neighborhoods are. I
need to be up on this while securing a rental.
Thank you. Joel
A. Hi Joel,
Well, I hope you do relocate to Tucson. I know you will like it. As I have
mentioned in previous letters, Tucson is a very "gay friendly" town and there is a lot to do here.
I do not know of one area where "gays" live. They are located all over town.
I would contact
Tony Ray at (520) 631-TONY (8669) . He is on the "Gay Tucson" site you can talk with him regarding
finding an area you might like, as he is a Realtor here and knows the town well. I'm sure he would be happy
to talk to you.
Good luck
Hugs,Mom
Q. Hey I am 13 years old and I am writing a 10 page essay on homosexuality. One of my categories
is "Events for the Homosexual Community". Any info would be much appreciated. Just a couple of events and little
descriptions would be fine and I could continue research on the events. Also, I just have to say this, NO ON 8!!!! A. Hi Courtney,
Thanks for writing. I hope you do good on your essay.
If you check on Gaytucson.com you will
all kinds of events listed that I think will help you. Some of the events are over but I'm sure you can still use
them as they are usually an every year thing. Last Sat. was gay pride and thousands participate, at Reid park, every
year. I hope this helps. If you need something else, just ask.
Good luck
Hugs, Mom
Q. I love my Son
I found my sons email account page left on my computer, I read the titles
and discovered that he was either bisexual bicurious or gay. Unfortunatly there is a long story here, BUT IF
He is one of these t explanis SO MUCH!!!!
So How do I talk to him now and let him know we LOVE him no matter what!!
It is his angery outburts and violent behavior plus more But hese are tearing the family apart so I am guessing the anger
comes from the fact that he has a secret and feels he can't tell us... Any advice how to approach to begin the
healing process on our family??? and help our son over come his anger.... A. Dear "I love my son",
Wow!
Every time I think I get a tough one to answer, here comes another.
I'm sorry you are having such a difficult
time. It is never easy in a situation like this. The fact that you are willing to accept your son, whatever his sexual
orientation is, is a plus. Does the rest of your family feel the same?
You mentioned there is a lot
more to this story and me not knowing makes it harder to respond. Have you ruled out other things that might
be making your son act this way? If it were me, I would find a time when the two of you can be alone and just sit him down
and tell him of your suspicions and that it doesn't matter and that you accept him the way he is and love him very much
regardless.
What about your husband?? Would he accept him regardless. I'm sure, if he is
gay, he is afraid to "come out" because of things he has seen and heard within your family. So many gay men
and women are turned away by their families, when they find out and I'm sure he is worried about that.
Over
the years, I have become "Mom" to so many who have been turned away. I love people, unconditionally, and
my heart breaks every time I see or hear of someone who has no ties to their family because the family cannot accept.
Many families feel shame or think it is their fault because the child/person is gay. Of course, that is not true.
I have a saying that I use a lot. It says "people fear what they least understand" and it is so true in this
arena. Please keep trying to reach your son. Don't give up. You will thank yourself
one day.
If you want to talk more, please don't hesitate to write me again. I hope I helped.
Hugs, Mom
Q. Dear Mom,
It looks like i am going to be kicked out of the army unexpectedly here in the next
couple of weeks. i am very interested in moving to tucson and would like to know some of the more friendly neighborhoods
within the city to look for an apartment. please help. A. Dear Lucas. I'm so sorry to hear you will be leaving
our military. Thank you for your service. I'm assuming, from the way that you wrote, it is because you are
gay. So sad. The "gay community" is spread out all over Tucson so there
is no one particular area that I can refer you to. I would suggest that you contact Tony Ray, TonyRay@GayTucson.com. He would be happy to show you around town when you get here. He does
that on a regular basis, at no charge to you. There are so many places that are "gay friendly"
here and I think he would be a great resource. Good luck to
you in whatever you decide to do. I hope you do relocate here. Thanks again Hugs Mom
Q. Dear Mom,
I'm
a local Tucson author and I've coauthored an anthology of gay stories which has recently been published. GayTucson.com
looks like a fabulous resource, but I was wondering, do we have any bookstores in Tucson that focus primarily on GLBT
works? I can approach the major stores here to do booksignings, but would like to feature this book within its target market--the
gay community.
Thanks so much,
Anastasia
A. Dear Anastasia, What a great thing you are doing. The two places that pop into my head
are "Bookmans" as they are very "gay friendly" and even have a gay book section and "Antigone"
on 4th ave. Also, Gay Pride is coming up on Oct. 18th at Reid park. If you have never gone, there are all kinds
of tents with displays, food, drink, etc. It is an all day event and that would be a good place for you to set up.
You can get more information on the calendar. Good luck. I hope you do well. Hugs, Mom
Q. Hello there, i am just living
in the middle east now, and i am considerning to come to Tucson for a visite. i am 23 years old lesbian, i am wonderning
how is gay life in there? are gays being rejected or are people just ok about it? and are there any gay organizations that
i can visit as we dont have such thing where i live...
Thanks
A. Dear Middle East, Do come to Tucson. It is a great
place to live and very accepting of the gay, lesbian and transgendered community. I'm sure you would love
it and fit right in. There are always activities going on and many gay and lesbian bars. If you check
on this website, Gay Tucson, you will find links to all kind of information. You can also visit the website for Wingspan, which is a GLBT organization. If you have any more questions, please ask. We will be
happy to help you in any way we can. Hugs, Mom
Q. My Mother knows I like Girls (which she hates the fact)
and I broke up with my girlfriend just so my mom can leave me alone about it. But now we are back together and my mother
doesn't know, its hard when I try to hang out with her because my mom thinks we're doing things.. which we might
be but still she doesn't know and its not like i can just say HEY MOM ME AND SO AND SO ARE BACK TOGETHER.. what should
I do. I hate living like this,, it hurts a lot. Confused A. Dear Confused, I'm so sorry that you have to go behind your
mothers back to have a relationship. If she would just be open to it she could see what great individuals you both
are and get past the fact that you are a lesbian. Regardless of how afraid you are, or how you think you many hurt her, you
will not and cannot change your sexual orientation, so you need to sit her down and just explain it to her that way.
In her heart, as a mother, she knows, and a lot of people think that if they ignore it, it will go away. I'm sure
she is concerned about what others may think, as well.
Tell her you cannot change and that your friend is a
wonderful person and that she would benefit from having her in her life. Tell her you do not want to sneak around behind
her back but because of her reception, to what you have told her, she is forcing you to do just that. Tell her you want
to include her and be able to talk to her about things and the way things are now you cannot do that. I know it is hard but
the best way to handle this is to be straight forward. The best of luck to you and let me know
how you make out. Hugs, Mom
Q. dear mom,
what's the best way to come out to well you!? A. Dear Rafael
I'm assuming from your question that you want to tell your mother you are gay.
Just sit down with her and tell her openly and honestly. Do it at home when no one else is around. I know it will be
hard and you are worried about being rejected but chances are your mother knows already and is just waiting for you to tell
her. You will feel much better when you do. I knew my son was gay before we ever discussed it and when
we did, and it was in the open, it was so much better. We have a wonderful, open , relationship and it is that way
with our entire family. We welcome his friends as part of the family. Good luck and let me know how it goes.
If I took your question wrong, sorry. Just submit it again. Hugs. Mom
Q. I'm considering relocating
to Tucson from Dallas for a job opportunity. I'm a gay man, 55. I'd like your honest assessment of gay life in Tucson
for an older gay man as well as advise on where to live should I decide to move there. Initially (for at least a year) I'll
lease until I know the city better.
Thanks, and what a great service!! Dennis
A. Good morning, Dennis, Good to hear from you.
Now to answer your questions. I think Tucson is one of the most "gay friendly" cities
and has much to offer the gay community. If you check the calendar on "Gay Tucson" you
will see how many events there are for August and up coming. As far as where to live, when you arrive, there are many lovely
areas and as with everyone, what you can afford has a lot to do with it. I think you would be better served to talk
to "Tony Ray" at Gay Tucson, as he is a realtor, here, and can give you much more and better information
than I could provide. Oh, by the way, on the 24th of this month is a gay event called
"Turnabout". We just love it and it is so much fun. We sit right up by the stage. Volunteers from all the
gay and lesbian bars, in town, get up on stage and perform skits and songs. The audience throws money on the stage
or gives it to "female impersonators" who pass through the audience during the evening. The money goes to
charity. We have a blast. If you happen to be in town, looking, at that time, come join us. We will be right
up front and just yell for "Mom" Ha. It's a hoot. It is held at the Doubletree Inn on Alvernon. You can get all
the information from Gay Tucson. I think Gay Pride is coming up, also. Well, Dennis, I
hope this helps. Since I am a Mom, and I care, I always wonder how the people that I write to make out with the information
I provide. I would love to hear. The best of luck to you and if you have any further questions,
write back. Hugs, Mom
Q.
My older sister said that i need to break up with my boyfreind she has no problem that gay my whole family has no problem with it James
A. Hi James,
I want to answer your question, but you did not give me one and I'm not sure you completed your comment.
What I got from what you said is that your sister wants you to break up with your boyfriend. Why?? Did
she give you a reason.?? I'm, also, assuming that you were telling me that she and your family have no problem
with the fact that you are gay. That is great but how can I help you? If you are asking me about breaking up with
your boyfriend, I would not do it just because your sister wants you to. Unless there is a very good reason that
you are not sharing with me. Do you want to break up??? Until I know more, I cannot answer you properly.
Write me, again, if you wish.
Good luck.
Hugs, Mom
Q. Where can I find a place to go that is a bath house enviroment.
I am coming to Tucson from Phoenix to spend a couple of days.
A. Sorry Danta, No such animal in this one horse town. Besides, Mom's
don't want their kids hanging out in places like that. Not good for ones health. Better luck next time
Hugs, Mom
Q. Hello, I know that I consider myself Bisexual. But I always wanted to be in a relationship with
a guy. I am confident with who I am, and would not change my orientation. All though I wish I could be in a relationship.
I just am scared to go to a meeting. Because what if I am not accepted.
Confused 18 year old
Dear Confused,
If you meet
someone you think you would like to get to know better, GO FOR IT!!
Don't sell yourself short and don't
be scared. Everyone has these feelings from time to time, even in a straight relationship. I remember how scared I was when
I was first dating and feared he would not like me. But, here I am now. I made it and have been married for over 40 years.
But, I had several rejections when I was young and those experiences, tho heartbreaking, at the time, just shaped me for what
was to come. It will all be fine. Let me know when you find the right one. He is out there, you know.
Hugs,
Mom
Q. Hello Mom,
I met a gentlemen on-line several years ago.
He lives in Chicago and I live in Tucson. We are both attracted to each other, but its just not geographically feasible for
us to date (across the country). He's 28 and I'm 30. I am crazy over this guy, I think about him all the time. I'm
afraid that my behavior might be hindering me from other possibly meaningful relationships closer to the home-front. What
do I do? I even get jealous (in my mind) when he goes out on a date with
somebody.....this is driving me nuts! Please
help!
Regards, Sleepless in Tucson
Dear "Sleepless in Tucson",
Sorry this is a little late but I have been "Sleepless in Las Vegas"
and left my deposit, as well.
What a dilemma! To have such feelings for someone and then for him
to be out of reach must be driving you nuts. What you didn't tell me is, have you met this guy
in person?? If so, how many times have you been with him and for how long.? You can't really get to know someone till
you spend "face to face' time with them. I know you aren't going to like what I'm going to say but I just
don't see it working.
I think you can see that yourself and just want someone to confirm it. These long
distance romances usually wind up in disaster and I don't want to see that happen to you. You should try to
find someone locally that you can hook up with. I have a friend, who met " the one" and he lives back
East and he gave up his job and moved back there. He is miserable and wants to come back here. It is easy to "dream"
and " think good thoughts" but when it becomes a reality and you are with this person day in and day out, it
could be all different. I know this will be hard for you but I think you should move on. There is someone "here"
who deserves you.
Good luck Hugs
Mom
Likes long walks on the beach....
Q. Hi Mom!
I'll go very straight on my question: Where can I get sex without looking too much and avoiding all the "previous
regluar way" to get it in tucson? I am good looking guy and I just want some excitement. Thanks for your advice!!!
Dear Bob,
I don't know if this is a joke or if you are serious, but, if you know Moms, you don't ever ask
them about where to find sex. We won't tell you.
Hugs,
Mom
Tucson
Pride
Q. Hi Mom,
When is pride weekend?
Emoney
Hi
Emoney,
Sorry this took a little longer than usual but I was researching for you. From what I can find out
PRIDE is Sat., Oct. 18, 2008. However, I am not totally sure and do not want to give you incorrect information, so I
would suggest going to www.tucsonpride.org for more information regarding dates and events.
Have fun.
Hugs, Mom
Gay like
me
Q. Dear Mom,
Where can i find a place to go to and hang
out with people who are gay like me? how can i find a dating place for people who are gay like me?
Dear Jeramy,
Thanks for writing. Sometimes it is hard to answer the questions, exactly, as I do not know the age of the person
who is writing.
The "Gay Tucson" web site has most of
the information you would need, if you go to Groups/Clubs/Activities. If you are under 23 there is a GLBT Youth group through
the organization "Wingspan." There is also a group called Mens Social Network and then another called the Prime
Timers.
However, there is no better way to meet someone than to get out and do the things you like and you will
meet a like minded person when you least expect to. I do not know of a "dating place" and have asked several people
and they do not know, either.
Good luck and if you want
to write me again, feel free. I'm always here.
Hugs,
Mom
Sierra Vista
Q.
Dear Mom,
Hello, I am a 47 year old man from Philadelphia, PA. I have a great job offer in Sierra Vista, Arizona.
I am wondering if you can tell me if there is ANY gay life in Sierra Vista, or if it is all located in Tucson? I am interested
in: AA, outdoor groups, gay choirs, social groups and HIV support.
Thanks, Dan.
Hello Dan
Nice to hear from you. I'll
bet you are a little chilly there right now. My cousin, from Morrisville, just called me yesterday. She was freezing. I'm
originally from Pa. and have many cousins and friends in Philly and surrounding areas. I know you would love Arizona.
The desert is beautiful and is in bloom right now. So pretty. The temps are perfect - low 80's, with a slight breeze.
While I miss certain things about home I could never move back. I'm done with the humidity and shoveling snow. ha!!
It is about 45 minutes from here to Sierra Vista and, I'm
sorry to say that, I don't think they have much "gay life" there. I have made some calls, to check for you,
but have not heard anything promising.
There is a town, Bisbee, about 30 minutes from Sierra Vista and they do
have a "Gay Pride" www.bisbeepride.com but cannot find out much more than that right now. I have my "feelers" out and should be getting more information
soon. If I find anything new I will be sure and let you know.
You will find help and support through two groups,
here. One would be " Wingspan" www.wingspan.org and the other would be "Saaf" ( Southern Ariz. Aids. Foundation). You can reach SAAF at 520-628-7223 or www.saaf.org. I have contacts at both and just talked with them. I don't know if
you have checked out all the options on "Gay Tucson" but there is much information offered there.
I hope the job offer works out for you. You can always come and visit us in Tucson while you are feeling your way down in
S.V. Let me know if I can be of help in any other way. If you want to write me back, I would be happy to hear from you. Good
luck.
Hugs, Mom
Happy all aroundQ. Dear Mom,
I remember Mamma! Are there any particularly gay neighborhoods
in Tucson, or is it generally happy all around. How about Armory Park?
Hi
Mike,
I remember Mamma, too. Are we dating ourselves??
I am not aware of
any gay neighborhoods. I think that Tucson is "happy" all over. I have gay and straight
friends who live in Armory Park . I think that you would be "happy" any where you chose to live here.
I find Tucson very gay friendly.
Hugs
Mom
Transgendered welcome?
Q. Hi Mom, I am wondering what the climate is like for boys that want to be
girls as i am seeking a new place to live .I am in reno nv and its not really the
place to be .
hugs, Heather
Hi Heather,
I think the "climate" here in Tucson is great. In more
ways than one. ha! There is a large gay, lesbian, transgendered community here and many services provided for them.
I would suggest you check out the "links" page on GayTucson.com and call Wingspan, which is the gay community center
here and is a great resource. Another page that would be helpful to you is the groups/clubs/activities.
My husband and I have lived in the same house for over 40 years. We have a gay bar 4 blocks from us and my husband and
I go their for dinners and shows and have a blast. We also attend other functions that benefit the gay community. We have
many friends. And, I might add, several who are transgendered.
I think you would be very
comfortable here but check out what is available, and, I think you will see that you would be as well. See you around town
one day.
Hugs,
Mom
Dating
your best friend
Q. Dear Mom,
My best friend and I are
really attracted to each other but we are afraid to take the "next step". If we decide to date and it doesn't
work out i am afraid of loosing her. We have been best friends for 6 years and we have been through a lot together. I can't
imagine not having her in my life. Do I "go for it" and try to have a girlfriend relationship with her (risking
loosing the friendship if it doesn't work out) or do we stay "just friends". ?
Confused
Dear Confused,
Wow!!! This is a tough one. I don't
blame you for being worried. It doesn't matter if you are in a gay or straight relationship, once you decide to "go
for it" , as you put it, there is no going back.
I'm certainly no authority but have seen this happen
several times and when the relationship does not work out, the friendship, as you once knew it, is usually over. You
can never get back what you once had.
You have got to decide what you value more, the long standing friendship
or the "what if".
Ironically, I just spoke to a young lady, two weeks ago, who is now living what you
are contemplating. The once "best friends" rarely see one another or talk and the one side is already
in another relationship. You have to listen to your heart on this one, my dear.
Good luck and keep me posted.
Hugs, Mom
Another
Mother
Q. Mom, I have noticed that many of my friends also consider me a momma
persona. Could it be that since I don't have children that I am projecting a mama role to them, or my (gay) friends
need a person that they can confide in without judgement, which they seem to seek.
Hi Momma P, I don't think you not having children has anything to do with it. I think it just a way
many of us have about us, and that is good. And, yes, I think your friends feel they can talk to you without
judgement. It means your friends trust you and look up to you for your help and opinions.
I have been
this way since high school. Everyone would come to me and tell me their troubles and girl problems and to this day I
am still in touch with most of them and I am still guiding them from time to time.
They called me mother at work,
where I was for over 20 years, and in volunteer jobs I have they say I am a mother figure. Consider it a
privilege.
I love helping people and glad I am here for those who have no one else they feel they can confide
in. I'm sure your friends feel that way, as well. Good luck.
Hugs, Mom
Dating Gay Military
Q. I am a lesbian in the military and I work
with another women in my unit that I am sure is a lesbian as well. I really want to talk to her but I am afraid to approach
her because I don’t know how she would take it. What should I do?
Dear afraid, She may be feeling the same way. Involve her in a conversation regarding
dating. Tell her you are not sure you want to date a man who has been pursuing you. At
some point maybe you can slip in the gay, military, policy of "don't ask, don't tell, or however it
is phrased and see what her reaction is. Beng gay in the military has to be tough. You know what they say
about conversations over the water cooler. This may be one of those times. Don't give up Hugs Mom
Gay Health
Q. I keep hearing this term called “nesting” around my gay friends. It has something to do
with going to the bathroom. What are they talking about?
Dear Nesting,
As
a gay man, I'm sure you would not have heard the word "nesting" much, as it relates more to woman and
usually woman who are pregnant. I surely don't know where the bathroom thing came from. It may be because part
of the nesting issue is cleaning. Woman like to clean, rearrange, throw out, and get new things, when they are pregnant
and nesting. So cleaning and recleaning the bathroom, as a health issue, may be part of it.
The house must be comfortable, cozy and clean and ready for the birth..I can see a gay man "nesting", so
to speak , if he is joining a new partner and getting ready for the relationship. Many of the gay men, I know, are
fastidious about their homes and their person. You have heard the word nestle. My mother had a different saying,
that meant the same thing, "snug as a bug in a rug". It is all related. One thing I have found tho,
is the word is being used in industry, today and totally unrelated to gay men, health, or the word nesting as we "older
gals" know it.
Hugs, Mom
Coming out to family
Q:
My mom knows I’m gay but doesn’t want me to tell my dad. We have a close family and I want
to be honest because I’m not ashamed of who I am. I need my dad . Should I go against my mom and tell
my dad or should I keep quiet?
Dear Coming Out, I would first
like to ask why your mother does not want you to " come out" to your father. Is is because she is afraid
of his reaction??? Are you an adult or a young person.??? I would talk to my mother and tell her
how torn you are because you need your fathers love and support and you don't want to go against her request, but you
don't feel it is the best way to handle this. If you talk to her and make her understand your dilema and tell her you
need to be honest and "come out" to your father, she will understand. I think that honestly communicating
about "coming out" will make your close family closer. Hugs, Mom
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Links Description:
Bars / Clubs: Gay Tucson lists all of the gay owned and gay friendly bars in Tucson, AZ. From here you can link to separate pages which
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products for your home? How about skin care products for men and women that are non-toxic and earth friendly? It’s all
here and every purchase supports the Tucson Gay Community. Click on the shopping gay page now.
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