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Mom’s home! Growing up, this was a familiar
phrase in our house. It meant that we were going to be able to get that question answered. That question we had been
waiting to ask all day.
Usually the question came from
a conversation we had at school or one we overheard. No matter how the question came, mom was the one with the answer.
As I got older, I noticed that my friends started asking my
mom questions and calling her mom as well. Many of them still do.
I’m lucky that I could always go to mom with anything and everything. Everyone should have that. So Gay Tucson found a mom to answer your questions.
Ask her anything and she’ll give you her best answer. We’ll post your questions and her answers,
here, at Ask Mom.
Have fun and be nice to mom. Your information will remain anonymous of course.
Always here to help,
Tony Ray 
Submit your questions by using the form below.
Q.
Where can I find a place to go that is a bath house enviroment. I am coming to Tucson from Phoenix to spend a couple of days.
Sorry Danta, No such animal in this one horse town. Besides, Mom's
don't want their kids hanging out in places like that. Not good for ones health. Better luck next time
Hugs, Mom
Q. Hello, I know that I consider myself Bisexual. But I always wanted to be in a relationship with
a guy. I am confident with who I am, and would not change my orientation. All though I wish I could be in a relationship.
I just am scared to go to a meeting. Because what if I am not accepted.
Confused 18 year old
Dear Confused,
If you meet
someone you think you would like to get to know better, GO FOR IT!!
Don't sell yourself short and don't
be scared. Everyone has these feelings from time to time, even in a straight relationship. I remember how scared I was when
I was first dating and feared he would not like me. But, here I am now. I made it and have been married for over 40 years.
But, I had several rejections when I was young and those experiences, tho heartbreaking, at the time, just shaped me for what
was to come. It will all be fine. Let me know when you find the right one. He is out there, you know.
Hugs,
Mom
Q. Hello Mom,
I met a gentlemen on-line several years ago. He lives in
Chicago and I live in
Tucson. We are both attracted to each other, but its just not geographically
feasible for
us to date (across the country). He's 28 and I'm 30. I am crazy over
this guy, I think about him all the time.
I'm afraid that my behavior might be
hindering me from other possibly meaningful relationships closer to the home-front.
What do I do? I even get jealous (in my mind) when he goes out on a date with
somebody.....this is driving me nuts!
Please help!
Regards, Sleepless in Tucson
Dear "Sleepless in Tucson",
Sorry this is a little late but I have been "Sleepless in Las Vegas"
and left my deposit, as well.
What a dilemma! To have such feelings for someone and then for him
to be out of reach must be driving you nuts. What you didn't tell me is, have you met this guy
in person?? If so, how many times have you been with him and for how long.? You can't really get to know someone till
you spend "face to face' time with them. I know you aren't going to like what I'm going to say but I just
don't see it working.
I think you can see that yourself and just want someone to confirm it. These long
distance romances usually wind up in disaster and I don't want to see that happen to you. You should try to
find someone locally that you can hook up with. I have a friend, who met " the one" and he lives back
East and he gave up his job and moved back there. He is miserable and wants to come back here. It is easy to "dream"
and " think good thoughts" but when it becomes a reality and you are with this person day in and day out, it
could be all different. I know this will be hard for you but I think you should move on. There is someone "here"
who deserves you.
Good luck Hugs
Mom
Likes long walks on the beach....
Q. Hi Mom!
I'll go very straight on my question: Where can I get sex without
looking too much and avoiding all the "previous
regluar way" to get it in tucson? I
am good looking guy and I just want some excitement. Thanks for your advice!!!
Dear Bob,
I don't know if this is a joke or if you are serious, but, if you know Moms, you don't ever ask
them about where to find sex. We won't tell you.
Hugs,
Mom
Tucson
Pride
Q. Hi Mom,
When is pride weekend?
Emoney
Hi
Emoney,
Sorry this took a little longer than usual but I was researching for you. From what I can find out
PRIDE is Sat., Oct. 18, 2008. However, I am not totally sure and do not want to give you incorrect information, so I
would suggest going to www.tucsonpride.org for more information regarding dates and events.
Have fun.
Hugs, Mom
Gay like
me
Q. Dear Mom,
Where can i find a place to go to and hang
out with people who are gay like me? how can i find a dating place for people who are gay like me?
Dear Jeramy,
Thanks for writing. Sometimes it is hard to answer the questions, exactly, as I do not know the age of the person
who is writing.
The "Gay Tucson" web site has most of
the information you would need, if you go to Groups/Clubs/Activities. If you are under 23 there is a GLBT Youth group through
the organization "Wingspan." There is also a group called Mens Social Network and then another called the Prime
Timers.
However, there is no better way to meet someone than to get out and do the things you like and you will
meet a like minded person when you least expect to. I do not know of a "dating place" and have asked several people
and they do not know, either.
Good luck and if you want
to write me again, feel free. I'm always here.
Hugs,
Mom
Sierra Vista
Q.
Dear Mom,
Hello, I am a 47 year old man from Philadelphia, PA. I have a great job offer in Sierra Vista, Arizona.
I am wondering if you can tell me if there is ANY gay life in Sierra Vista, or if it is all located in Tucson? I am interested
in: AA, outdoor groups, gay choirs, social groups and HIV support.
Thanks, Dan.
Hello Dan
Nice to hear from you. I'll
bet you are a little chilly there right now. My cousin, from Morrisville, just called me yesterday. She was freezing. I'm
originally from Pa. and have many cousins and friends in Philly and surrounding areas. I know you would love Arizona.
The desert is beautiful and is in bloom right now. So pretty. The temps are perfect - low 80's, with a slight breeze.
While I miss certain things about home I could never move back. I'm done with the humidity and shoveling snow. ha!!
It is about 45 minutes from here to Sierra Vista and, I'm
sorry to say that, I don't think they have much "gay life" there. I have made some calls, to check for you,
but have not heard anything promising.
There is a town, Bisbee, about 30 minutes from Sierra Vista and they do
have a "Gay Pride" www.bisbeepride.com but cannot find out much more than that right now. I have my "feelers" out and should be getting more information
soon. If I find anything new I will be sure and let you know.
You will find help and support through two groups,
here. One would be " Wingspan" www.wingspan.org and the other would be "Saaf" ( Southern Ariz. Aids. Foundation). You can reach SAAF at 520-628-7223 or www.saaf.org. I have contacts at both and just talked with them. I don't know if
you have checked out all the options on "Gay Tucson" but there is much information offered there.
I hope the job offer works out for you. You can always come and visit us in Tucson while you are feeling your way down in
S.V. Let me know if I can be of help in any other way. If you want to write me back, I would be happy to hear from you. Good
luck.
Hugs, Mom
Happy all aroundQ. Dear Mom,
I remember Mamma! Are there any particularly gay neighborhoods
in Tucson, or is it generally happy all around. How about Armory Park?
Hi
Mike,
I remember Mamma, too. Are we dating ourselves??
I am not aware of
any gay neighborhoods. I think that Tucson is "happy" all over. I have gay and straight
friends who live in Armory Park . I think that you would be "happy" any where you chose to live here.
I find Tucson very gay friendly.
Hugs
Mom
Transgendered welcome?
Q. Hi Mom, I am wondering what the climate is like for boys that want to be
girls as i am seeking a new place to live .I am in reno nv and its not really the
place to be .
hugs, Heather
Hi Heather,
I think the "climate" here in Tucson is great. In more
ways than one. ha! There is a large gay, lesbian, transgendered community here and many services provided for them.
I would suggest you check out the "links" page on GayTucson.com and call Wingspan, which is the gay community center
here and is a great resource. Another page that would be helpful to you is the groups/clubs/activities.
My husband and I have lived in the same house for over 40 years. We have a gay bar 4 blocks from us and my husband and
I go their for dinners and shows and have a blast. We also attend other functions that benefit the gay community. We have
many friends. And, I might add, several who are transgendered.
I think you would be very
comfortable here but check out what is available, and, I think you will see that you would be as well. See you around town
one day.
Hugs,
Mom
Dating
your best friend
Q. Dear Mom,
My best friend and I are
really attracted to each other but we are afraid to take the "next step". If we decide to date and it doesn't
work out i am afraid of loosing her. We have been best friends for 6 years and we have been through a lot together. I can't
imagine not having her in my life. Do I "go for it" and try to have a girlfriend relationship with her (risking
loosing the friendship if it doesn't work out) or do we stay "just friends". ?
Confused
Dear Confused,
Wow!!! This is a tough one. I don't
blame you for being worried. It doesn't matter if you are in a gay or straight relationship, once you decide to "go
for it" , as you put it, there is no going back.
I'm certainly no authority but have seen this happen
several times and when the relationship does not work out, the friendship, as you once knew it, is usually over. You
can never get back what you once had.
You have got to decide what you value more, the long standing friendship
or the "what if".
Ironically, I just spoke to a young lady, two weeks ago, who is now living what you
are contemplating. The once "best friends" rarely see one another or talk and the one side is already
in another relationship. You have to listen to your heart on this one, my dear.
Good luck and keep me posted.
Hugs, Mom
Another
Mother
Q. Mom, I have noticed that many of my friends also consider me a momma
persona. Could it be that since I don't have children that I am projecting a mama role to them, or my (gay) friends
need a person that they can confide in without judgement, which they seem to seek.
Hi Momma P, I don't think you not having children has anything to do with it. I think it just a way
many of us have about us, and that is good. And, yes, I think your friends feel they can talk to you without
judgement. It means your friends trust you and look up to you for your help and opinions.
I have been
this way since high school. Everyone would come to me and tell me their troubles and girl problems and to this day I
am still in touch with most of them and I am still guiding them from time to time.
They called me mother at work,
where I was for over 20 years, and in volunteer jobs I have they say I am a mother figure. Consider it a
privilege.
I love helping people and glad I am here for those who have no one else they feel they can confide
in. I'm sure your friends feel that way, as well. Good luck.
Hugs, Mom
Dating Gay Military
Q. I am a lesbian in the military and I work
with another women in my unit that I am sure is a lesbian as well. I really want to talk to her but I am afraid to approach
her because I don’t know how she would take it. What should I do?
Dear afraid, She may be feeling the same way. Involve her in a conversation regarding
dating. Tell her you are not sure you want to date a man who has been pursuing you. At
some point maybe you can slip in the gay, military, policy of "don't ask, don't tell, or however it
is phrased and see what her reaction is. Beng gay in the military has to be tough. You know what they say
about conversations over the water cooler. This may be one of those times. Don't give up Hugs Mom
Gay Health
Q. I keep hearing this term called “nesting” around my gay friends. It has something to do
with going to the bathroom. What are they talking about?
Dear Nesting,
As
a gay man, I'm sure you would not have heard the word "nesting" much, as it relates more to woman and
usually woman who are pregnant. I surely don't know where the bathroom thing came from. It may be because part
of the nesting issue is cleaning. Woman like to clean, rearrange, throw out, and get new things, when they are pregnant
and nesting. So cleaning and recleaning the bathroom, as a health issue, may be part of it.
The house must be comfortable, cozy and clean and ready for the birth..I can see a gay man "nesting", so
to speak , if he is joining a new partner and getting ready for the relationship. Many of the gay men, I know, are
fastidious about their homes and their person. You have heard the word nestle. My mother had a different saying,
that meant the same thing, "snug as a bug in a rug". It is all related. One thing I have found tho,
is the word is being used in industry, today and totally unrelated to gay men, health, or the word nesting as we "older
gals" know it.
Hugs, Mom
Coming out to family
Q:
My mom knows I’m gay but doesn’t want me to tell my dad. We have a close family and I want
to be honest because I’m not ashamed of who I am. I need my dad . Should I go against my mom and tell
my dad or should I keep quiet?
Dear Coming Out, I would first
like to ask why your mother does not want you to " come out" to your father. Is is because she is afraid
of his reaction??? Are you an adult or a young person.??? I would talk to my mother and tell her
how torn you are because you need your fathers love and support and you don't want to go against her request, but you
don't feel it is the best way to handle this. If you talk to her and make her understand your dilema and tell her you
need to be honest and "come out" to your father, she will understand. I think that honestly communicating
about "coming out" will make your close family closer. Hugs, Mom
Links Description:
Bars / Clubs: Gay Tucson lists all of the gay owned and gay friendly bars in Tucson, AZ. From here you can link to separate pages which
provide information on each gay bar in Tucson. Look for photos, address, phone number, a map and what you
should know about Colors, Yard Dog, Woody's, Venture-N, Howl at the Moon, Ain’t Nobody’s Bizness and more
on the Gay Tucson bars / clubs pages.
Go Green: If you’re interested in recycling, green real estate, energy efficiency, green products, green companies and saving
the planet, check out our go green pages. Gay Tucson also identifies green companies on the Business / retail / services page and green products available on the Shopping Gay page. You can help rescue our rainforests and save our planet. You can make a difference.
Groups / clubs / activities: If you like to hike, sing or need someone to talk to, Gay Tucson posts information for gay groups, gay clubs and activities
for the gay community in Tucson, AZ.
Hotels: Need a place to stay? Gay Tucson lists the gay owned and gay friendly hotels and bed and breakfasts in Tucson, AZ. Look
for photos, address, phone number, and what you should know about each bed and breakfast or hotel on the Gay Tucson hotel
pages.
Real Estate Tucson Arizona: Gay Tucson provides a direct link to Tucson's Realtor data base and information about Tony Ray Baker. Tony Ray started
Gay Tucson.com in 2003 and has been helping the gay community buy and sell real estate in Tucson, AZ since 1994. If you need
a Realtor in Tucson, call Tony Ray at (520) 631-TONY (8669). If you need a Realtor in another city, ask Tony Ray about his
free, gay Realtor referral service.
Realtor MLS (Multiple Listing Service): Gay Tucson quick search allows you to search the real estate data base used by almost every
Realtor in Tucson, AZ.
Shopping Gay: Looking for the latest gay movies or a great new gay book? Greeting cards, playing cards, beauty products or green cleaning
products for your home? How about skin care products for men and women that are non-toxic and earth friendly? It’s all
here and every purchase supports the Tucson Gay Community. Click on the shopping gay page now.
Weather: Tucson’s current weather conditions and overall climate information.
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