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Ask Mom 2011
 Mom’s home! Growing up, this was
a familiar phrase in our house. It meant that we were going to be able to get that question answered. That
question we had been waiting to ask all day.
Usually the question came from a conversation we had at school
or one we overheard. No matter how the question came, mom was the one with the answer.
As I got older, I noticed that my friends started asking my mom
questions and calling her mom as well. Many of them still do.
I’m lucky that I could always go to mom with anything and everything. Everyone should have that.
So Gay Tucson found a mom to answer your questions.
Ask her anything and she’ll give you her best answer. We’ll post your questions and her answers,
here, at Ask Mom.
Have fun and be nice to mom. Your information
will remain anonymous of course.
Always here to help,
Tony Ray 
Submit your questions by using the form.
Q. Hi Mom, Where
is the Gay friendly place to buy a house in Tucson, AZ? Bill
A.
Hi Bill, my son would be better suited to answer your question, he is a Realtor here in Tucson. That being said, you
did ask me so I will tell you what I know.
 I raised my son here in Tucson and he has been out since he was a teenager. He is 46 years old. He has never
experienced any major issues that I know of regarding predjudiced in Tucson. All of his gay and lesbian friends have
homes everywhere here. So, I think he would agree with me, all of Tucson is a Gay Friendly place to buy a home.
You can contact him and he will answer any questions you may have. His name is Tony Ray and he is on the real estate
page of this site. Hugs, Mom
Q.
Hi mom. I hope u can answer my question. Im a gay guy and im a bottom. My problem is that whenever i meet a guy and
let him have anal sex with me there always seems to be poo in my ass that sticks to his condom and its really embarrassing.
I go to the toilet before going out and dont eat anything before ive even tried rinsing my anus out with the shower hose inserted
in me. Whenever i watch gay porn everyones bum is so clean how can i have a clean poo free bottom for my guys to enjoy please
help. Is there a product for cleaning out my bum or anything like that? thanx mom from richard x
A.
Dear Richard x,
Well, this one is a first. But, - no pun intended - I have checked around and found
out that this seems to be a common problem with couples. Don't be embarrased. I'm sure the person you are with
has run into that problem before. As far as the movies go, just remember movies are made and things are doctored and
fixed to look the way they want. I've not heard about anything to clean with. If you have a Dr,. you feel
comfortable with, talk to him.
Thank's, Richard, for not being afraid to ask this question, as I'm sure
others would like to know, as well. Hugs, mom
Q.
I moved to Tucson 2 years ago with a good friend that recently past away. I find myself alone now and relize I have been hiding
for 10 years from who I really am, a bi female. I am 45 and time is ticking away. I don't know where to start to meet people
like myself. I am kind of afraid I isolated myself for too long and don't fit in anymore. Any advice?
A.
I'm, sorry about your friend and I know it must be hard, as you feel so all alone. Unfortunately, the Tucson GLBT community
is spread out and not in one place and now, because of the economy, a lot of the bars are closing or in trouble. I always
refer people to "Wingspan" and you can find their information on this web site. Go there and talk to them and I'm
sure they can nelp you. Get out and about. You will never meet anyone staying at home and hiding.
Good luck,
Hugs, Mom
Q.
Hi,
I am 21, and looking for a job in Tucson, and I was thinking about
posting my resume on a few of the gay friendly sites. I was kind of wondering who all gets access to the resumes posted
here, because I am not out, truthfully I haven't even fully accepted whether or not I am gay(which is a whole other
problem, lol). While I would really love, like super love, to work in a gay friendly establishment, I am not sure that
I would be comfortable putting all the personal info. that a resume requires in a place where anyone can find it. So
I was wondering if access to the resumes was restricted to employers who are active in the gay community?
A.
Hi R,
I can not tell you where information
goes after it is posted, each site is individually owned. That being said, this is what I know is true. Love yourself.
Respect yourself. When you do, everyone will too. My son has been out, here in Tucson for over 30 years. He has
integrity, likes who he is and makes no bones about it. He is equal because he treats himself as equal.
I hope I had something to do with him learning that. Remember, No one can put
you down unless you believe what they are saying. If someone says you are purple, and you know you are not purple, you
will not believe them.
If you
need help, I would suggest that you contact Wingspan Community Center. They have a great staff who care and have great connections. Hugs, Mom
Q.
Dear Mom,
I have recently moved to Tucson from Texas after a very bad divorce. I'm a bisexual and have dated many
women and only a few men, but i feel like women have hurt me too many times in the past, especially my now ex wife. Should
I try dating more men to see if i can find the right person for me? A. Dear Texas, While
divorces can be messy and hurtful, you have to pick up and go on, even if you are hurt and angry. As long as you hold that
anger, you will never be happy. You have to be happy inside to be happy outside. However, not everyone is the same and you have just not found the right one, yet. Take
your time and find someone who makes you happy, who makes you smile and laugh. I cannot choose a partner for you.
Only you can do that and only you will know when it is right. So.......not much help, I'm afraid. Do what
your heart says. Welcome to Tucson and good luck. Hugs Mom
Q. I am a bi man over 50 and it seeems that my life
is over.what do you think? A. HI Steve, Well, first I am wondering why you would make a statement
like that. Since you have provided me with no information, I have litttle to go on. No, your life is not over.
You can do with it whatever you wish. Being bi and 50, says what? Are you married?? If something is so troubling,
get help, please. There are a lot of places available. Check this website for information.
Good luck and God Bless Hugs Mom
Q. Dear Mom, I'm a gay
16 year old and i live in Tucson. I have no idea how to come out to my mom. She is very religious and I fear she will not
understand and she will push me away. All I want is to be closer to her. I am out at school. But none of my family knows.
Do you have any advice? A. Hi,
Well,
this is another one when I have to say, there is no right or wrong way. Since you are out, at school, it is only a matter
of time until your Mother hears it. I would definitely not want her to hear it from anyone, but you.
You
have to make up your mind when to tell her but I would make it as soon as possible. If she does not know, and I suspect
she has an inkling, it will be one of shock and surprise and you will need to be prepared for that. However, it will also
give you a chance to talk to her and explain how you feel, etc. Tell her what you told me. It is important to
have her support.
Good luck and God Bless
Hugs Mom
Try
to under stand her feelings, as well. I know from experience, that when I knew in my own heart, our son was gay, (he
had not told us yet) my concern was not us, as a family, but one of worry for him and what he would have to go through, in
life. Today it is much more open and accepted than when he came out. It will never be easy and there will be ups
and downs, with your mom, but hang in there. It will all work out. You have to tell her sometime and now is better
than later.
Q Dear Mom,
My wife and I are going to start trying to get pregnant
in a couple of months. I am 32 years old
and have lived in New York my whole life. We are living in New
York still but are over the fast pace life and huge expenses (cost of living, food).
We were planning on moving to Massachusetts because we want to live somewhere where whatever child I give birth to she can adopt and just have the basic rights as a married coulple especially since we are bringing
a child into this world.
I have Fibromyalgia and the only place I have ever not had pain and felt wonderful has been arizona, I do so well in the dry heat. My wife also hates the cold weather she was born and raised in Cali/Arizona.
I have been in New York my whole life and am sick of feeling ill from the constant weather changes (humidity, freezing cold, rain).
We really
want to move to Tucson!
Should we
be afraid to live in a state where gay marriage is banned?
I know Tucson
has a huge lesbian community but I'm afraid!
Any
advice or help would be much appreciated!
Jaime32
A Dear Jaime,
Let me put it this way. I would not be afraid.
But, you did not express what you might be afraid of. You just generalized. Here in Tucson, there is a big LGBT community,
and there are few problems. I cannot speak for other towns and communities. However, I have not heard of problems, elsewhere.
I, too, have Fibromyalgia and I know the damp and cold are very hard on me. We have gone to Fla.in
the Winter months, just for fun and I had problems. I am so much better here. You will be, too.
Best
wishes on starting a family and I hope you get things worked out.
Merry
Christmas.
Hugs
Mom
Hi Mom,
I need your help. as part of a homework, I need
to find some LGBTQ artists in Tucson to interview. I'm new in town and I'm not really amiliarized with the artistic world
of the city. Could you recommend me some openly LGBTQ artists? Thanks!!
PJ
I love your web!!!
A Hi PJ,
Welcome to Tucson. Isn't the weather wonderful??
 Well, my best guess would be to contact someone at Wingspan, SAAF, or Tihan. At SAAF, ask for Waco and
see if he can direct you. Sometimes, I get zingers from you folks and I learn things, as I write, also.
Have you read all of Tony's, Gay Tucson website?? There is wealth of information there and I would bet you could find
your answer. Check out groups, clubs and activities. Don't be afraid to call a number and just ask the question you
have. I do it all the time. You'd be surprised how much you find out.
Good luck and Happy holidays.
Hugs
Mom
Q Dear Mom,
My 15 year old daughter just confided in me that she believes she is bisexual.
While many people attribute this to her age ("its just a phase"), I had already
seen the signs that she was
beginning to question her orientation and I was not at all shocked when she told me how she felt.
We have raised
our children to be loving and accepting of all people, regardless of race, orientation, ethnic background, etc.
So,
she knew she would not encounter prejudice from our family.
How do I help her find her way, without pushing her
in one direction or the other? I truly do not care who my daughter chooses to love, as long as the
person she chooses
values her as much as I do. Any suggestions? Thanks ~
Christine
A Dear Christine,
Please forgive me for not getting back to you sooner. I
thought I had answered but with all the holiday commotion and we were out of town for a week and now the shooting tragedy,
here, I just lost track of time.
Isn't it amazing how mothers
can pick up on things with their kids. I knew my son was gay before he ever told me. I don't think you need to help your daughter find her way. Since you are such an accepting, loving, family I think she will do just fine herself. Just as long as you are there to support
her. It will not be easy. But, she is the only one who can define her being.
Best of luck, Christine and God Bless.
Hugs
Mom
Q Would you please direct me to any LGBT friendly RV camping parks in Tucson.
My wife and I would like
to visit your area in December and are looking for a nice place to stay.
Thank you very much,
Kimberly
and Jilly
A Hi Kimberly,
To my knowledge,
there are no specific LGBT RV parks. However, since Tucson is very Gay friendly, I'm sure you would be happy and welcomed
in others. We have a 5th wheel and have stayed in many parks, across the country and I have met Gay couples and I saw
no problem from anyone. There are many parks, here in Tucson, but I would call ahead and make a reservation since they fill
up fast in the winter months.
My very best, to you both, and Merry Christmas.
Hugs,
Mom
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